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Pregnancy-Aided War Strategy
-Shannon, Pennsylvania
I am six weeks pregnant and have had very bad gas pains and the worst smelling gas. My husband says that it smells so bad that I should bottle it up and send it over to the war. The American soldiers could release it on the enemy and they would surrender in a heartbeat. Imagine...world peace induced by a pregnancy symptom!
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Hospital Gown Flashing
-Amber, Indiana
Shortly after the birth of my second child, my family was ushered into my room to view the new baby. My two-year-old daughter was anxious to see me, so I stood up to get her and give her a big hug. In front of everyone, including my very conservative brother-in-law, my daughter lifted up my gown as high as she could and said, "Mommy fat belly gone?" Of course I had nothing on under my gown. My brother-in-law said that it was an experience he could've lived without. I was so embarrassed that I pushed my gown down so hard that I knocked my daughter onto the floor. The nurse looked at me and asked if I needed some alone time.At the time I thought it was extremely mortifying, but now I see it as the funniest thing that has ever happened to me!
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Bloody Sock
-Amy, Kansas
With my first daughter, I had contractions for three days, but didn't dilate past two centimeters. I went to my weekly appointment with hopes that my OB/GYN could do something. When he examined me, I heard a "pop" and felt a warm gush. Then he stood up and I noticed that he was sprayed with blood. Apparently I had some scar tissue on my cervix that was preventing my dilation. My doctor broke open the scar tissue and blood gushed all over the table and him. He told me to get dressed immediately and go to the hospital. Before I got a sanitary napkin secured, some blood ran down my leg and saturated my sock. I had shorts on, so the blood was right there in plain sight. I had to go to the hospital with a bloody sock on. I don't know what was more embarrassing: giving my doctor a bloody shower or wearing a bloody sock!
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Runaway Uterus
-Deb, Florida
I made the decision not to have any pain medication or an episiotomy during the birth of my son. I wanted to have a completely natural  experience. As it turned out, my son weighed 9lbs and tore my vagina on the way out. Because I had an extremely difficult labor and I needed stitches, the doctor gave me a shot of Demerol after my son was delivered. I was so exhausted that I passed out when they were stitching me up. While I was unconscious, the nurse filled a surgical glove with ice and tucked it inside my vagina to help reduce swelling. By the time I woke up, the ice had melted and I was unaware of the glove.Soon after, I got up and went to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down on the toilet, I heard a loud PLOP as the glove dropped into the toilet, covered with blood and mucus. I frantically pulled the nurse cord and shouted, "Help! My uterus just fell into the toilet!" My husband and I still get many hearty laughs from that story.
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Jurassic Fart
-Kathleen, Texas
During my second pregnancy I had some horribly loud gas. One day, my oldest son was playing with his dinosaurs so I decided to get my big butt down there and play with him. He was making all sorts of sounds with the dinosaurs, making them talk to each other. As I bent down to join him, I let out a HUGE fart. My son thought it was incredibly funny. Now when he plays with his dinosaurs he thinks that is the sound they are supposed to make!
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Laundry Basket Leucorrhoea
-Kathleen, Texas
I am six months pregnant and having a lot of thick, white discharge. I usually end up changing my panties a couple times a day. One day last week I decided to take a quick shower before my husband got home from work. As always, I threw my clothes in the laundry basket and tucked my panties far under all the dirty clothes so my husband wouldn't see them. It was one of those HEAVY days, if you know what I mean. I jumped in the shower and began doing my thing. A few minutes later, my husband came in and told me he was going to run to the corner store and would be right back. He took off his tie and shirt and grabbed a dirty shirt out of the laundry basket. As he did this, my dirty undies fell to the floor. He looked down to pick up the clothes that had dropped and there, on his shirt, was a HUGE surprise. Evidently, when I was trying to hide my panties I pushed too hard on the other clothes and wiped a big glob of discharge on his shirt. Gross, I know! The funny thing was that my husband didn't even think anything of it. I was horrified!
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NOTE: Opinions and advice provided on this website are based on the personal experience of the author, Stacy Quarty. Ms. Quarty in no way claims to be a professional source of medical, psychological or statistical information.
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