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Sex, Orgasms & Masturbation
Q. My husband and I had a fight and he claims that sex doesn't feel the same after our first-born. I traced it to the fact that I might have lost my vaginal elasticity after giving birth to my child. He also said it was always a problem due to my various sexual partners prior to our marriage. I know it was a fight and he really loves me, but I must really find out if there is any merit in his argument. Is it possible to lose vaginal elasticity through excessive sex?
-Anonymous, United Kingdom
A. Vaginal elasticity can decrease from childbirth, age or continuous intercourse with a horse-sized penis. In other words, I don't think your past sexual partners should have had any effect on the elasticity of your vagina. Some women have smaller or tighter vaginas than others. And, of course, the first time a woman has intercourse is always the tightest. Maybe your husband's past partners were only virgins? Whatever the case, his nasty comment about your past partners was probably based on his insecurities and jealousy of your past. Maybe that's what you need to explore.
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Q. I am 25 years old and just had my first IVF transfer on July 28. I found out on August 9 that I am pregnant. My doctor told me to abstain from sex while I was in the hospital for the transfer, but he didn't say for how long. I assumed it would be until the embryos attached to the uterine lining. I am nearing the end of my fifth week of pregnancy and today I masturbated. I've been DYING to have an orgasm and I did with masturbation today. I didn't have many uterine contractions, but I'm worried I might induce a miscarriage since it's so early in my pregnancy. When do you think it's safe?
-Nicole, New York
A. I think your assumption was right. Your doctor suggested that you abstain from sex until after egg implantation, as it can be a very delicate time with IVF. Since you are now at five weeks, sex should be permitted (barring any problems such as bleeding or cramping.) So, go ahead and orgasm away!
Q. We were wondering when we can have sex again. My wife had a C-section three weeks ago, and she is still bleeding. Should we not have sex until she stops bleeding, and how long should she bleed after a C-section? Both of us are very horny.
-Todd, Illinois
A. Most OB/GYNs will recommend waiting four to six weeks after a Cesarean section to resume sexual intercourse. This gives time for the uterus to heal and for the bleeding to cease. Of course, everyone has different healing times depending on the kind of incision made, the stress to the uterus during pregnancy and birth and post-birth care. When the bleeding stops is a pretty good indicator of when the uterus is healed. If your wife's bleeding has ceased for more than 48 hours and she is feeling up to it, I say you've got the green light for intercourse.
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Q. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and cannot stop thinking about sex. I know a lot of it is due to hormones, but my fear is that masturbating every day can hurt my baby. Can masturbating every day or multiple times in a day hurt the baby?
-Anonymous, New York
A. It's completely normal to get all sexed up during pregnancy and want it more than ever. As with food cravings, I believe your body will tell you what you want and need during pregnancy. Barring any problems such as bleeding, severe cramping, placenta previa or an incompetent cervix, masturbating several times a day should cause no worries. So, go ahead and have that chocolate éclair and an extra orgasm for dessert!
Q. I'm 37.4 weeks pregnant and had my cerclage taken off three days ago. All went well. I just had light bleeding that has disappeared now. I was too embarrassed to ask my doctor if I can now have sex or stimulation. He did say I was 3 cm dilated, but I am not having contractions. Can having sex help bring on labor? Would it be okay to have sex?
-Anonymous, California
A. Sex may induce contractions, which could lead to active labor. If you're ready to have this baby now, I'd say go ahead and have sex. At this stage of pregnancy, the baby should be fully developed and ready enough to be born. I think your doctor would have warned you not to have intercourse if there was any reason for it.
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Q. I am 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. For the last week or two, when I have stimulated my G-spot while masturbating, I've squirted some fluid when I came, something I've never been able to do before. At first I thought that it was cool, but now I'm worried that maybe it's amniotic fluid leaking and not female ejaculate. It's clear/whitish and fairly tasteless. Is there a way to tell the difference?
-Anonymous, New York
A. If this discharge is only being expelled after orgasm and doesn't continue in a slow leak, it's probably not amniotic fluid. When your water breaks it usually isn't just one gush with no further leakage. The fluid is usually clear, though it can be bloody, or yellow, or green-tinged. If you are unsure if your water has actually broken, smell the fluid – it should smell sweet.
In some cases a woman may have a small hole in the amniotic sac that very slowly leaks fluid. Sometimes this kind of hole can heal on its own. If you think you may be leaking amniotic fluid, you should report it to your OB/GYN. Your doctor can do a test to be sure. One option is the nitrazine test, during which amniotic fluid is placed on a strip of paper that changes color to reflect the pH level of the fluid. Or, you may have the ferning test, in which a sample of the fluid is taken from the vagina and examined under a microscope. The amniotic fluid creates a fern-like pattern that's visible under the microscope.
Q. I'm six weeks pregnant and over the last week I've orgasmed on four different nights in my sleep. The orgasms have been so strong that they have woken me up. Although pleasurable, they are also painful as I get bad cramps immediately afterwards, which scares me. I had a miscarriage two weeks before I became pregnant. I'm worried about another one. Are these sleeping orgasms and waking cramps normal?
-Lynsey, Florida
A. During pregnancy, elevated hormones can make orgasms much more abundant and easier to have. Pregnancy hormones can also induce vivid dreaming. The combination of the two will result in frequent "wet dreams," which are very normal during pregnancy. And, don't worry, uterine cramping immediately following an orgasm in completely normal too. (See the other orgasm/cramping question for more details.)
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Q. I am 14 weeks pregnant with my first child and I have noticed that if I masturbate I sometimes get a brown discharge. I have noticed more of it when I masturbate more than once. Should I abstain from masturbating? I not only get extremely worried, but I also feel guilty. Sometimes I just can't help it.
-Marylin, New York
A. The brown discharge is probably a little bit of blood. Light bleeding can be very normal during pregnancy after intercourse or masturbation. The cervix is very sensitive, engorged with blood and prone to bleeding if jostled or poked. Masturbation with a dildo or something that touches the cervix is more likely to cause bleeding than just stimulating the clitoris. If the bleeding becomes bright red or constant, you should abstain from masturbation and notify your OB/GYN.
P.S. I don't think you should feel guilty about masturbating during pregnancy. It's so hard to resist when your hormones have got you all sexed up and your vaginal area is so much more sensitive. I don't know about you, but sometimes I felt like my vagina had a mind of its own during pregnancy. It was always begging for sex!
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