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The Ovulation Game

When contemplating pregnancy and parenthood, we usually have an ideal image of how and when it should happen. My optimum plan for this, my second child, was to get pregnant at the end of summer so the baby would be due in the spring. That way, I could take off the whole summer and enjoy the new baby.

With my first pregnancy I was never thinking that far ahead. It felt like we were trying for so long and just getting pregnant was all I could focus on… until it happened.

As you (probably) already know, when it comes to conception, things hardly ever work out as planned. My friend Bridget told me that not one of her four pregnancies fit into her “plan.”

My husband, Jamey, and I had some major setbacks that delayed our pregnancy schedule by months. He had to take a few business trips during ovulation; I contracted a tick-born disease; and I had to have a minor surgery.

We finally had some normal months schedule-wise, but still no pregnancy.

Some couples get pregnant without ever really “trying” while others take years to conceive. If you fall into the latter category, you know as well as I that “trying” can become tedious and even stressful at times. Copulation-on-command is quite a feat. Everyone says the best thing to do is relax and forget about it. Ha! I don’t know about you, but I spent many nights with my pelvis elevated by pillows, blood rushing to my head and a constant chant droning in my head, “Go, sperm go!” Far from relaxing, I assure you!

In early October we decided to go to the West Coast to visit some friends and attend a wedding. We were going to take a week’s vacation and leave Karmen with my parents… and I would be ovulating! The trip was great. We were relaxed, had plenty of romantic time together (hotel sex) and I got to cuddle our friends’ newborn baby. I’m not sure if there is any truth to the old wives’ tale that handling a newborn can help get you pregnant, but it worked for me!

When we got back from our trip I could not wait to take a pregnancy test. I was sure that I was pregnant. I felt a presence, a life inside of me that was beginning to grow. Where this knowing feeling came from, I’m not sure. One girlfriend of mine said that she knew she was pregnant from the immediate physical feeling of tightness in her uterus. Another girlfriend told me that her knowing of conception was more spiritual. I would say that my “feeling” lay somewhere in between the physical and the spiritual.

I checked my calendar and did an “early response” test. It was negative. This could not be. How could my feeling be so wrong? Why wasn’t I pregnant? Maybe I wasn’t ever going to get pregnant. I used the second test in the kit. Still negative. Not pregnant.

The next night I went to dinner with a girlfriend and consumed more fluids than food. I was surprised to find myself quite drunk by the time dessert arrived. Almost every one of my girlfriends who has borne a child has had at least one (if not several) episode of alcohol consumption during early pregnancy– mostly because they had no idea they were pregnant. It also seems that lots of people get pregnant while on vacation, which lends itself to the more than occasional cocktail.

If you are recently pregnant and mentally flogging yourself for an incidental cocktail or two, try to let it go. After all, what’s done is done. I’m sure you already know it’s wise to abstain from the use of alcohol (and drugs) during and even prior to pregnancy to help produce the healthiest baby possible. (Remember, I don’t claim to be an expert and this is by no means a clinical book. If you are concerned about your drinking habits before or after conception, see a doctor immediately.)

A week after my drunken dinner, I still did not get my period. “That’s strange,” I thought. I checked my calendar and noticed that I had miscalculated my period due date. Whoops! I discovered that I was not alone in miscalculating. My friend Samantha had miscalculated her period due date by as much as six weeks, if you can believe that! Her first indication of pregnancy was a nasty bout of morning sickness that she had mistaken for the flu. Surprise, surprise!

My period was definitely late this time, so I took the test again. Positive. “What?! Positive! Am I ready for this?! Can I give up my body? Is our house big enough? Do we have to move? How will this affect my graphic design career? How will this affect my daughter? How will this affect my marriage?” These and a zillion other questions consumed my brain.  Of course I had considered all of these subjects on the road to this planned pregnancy, but now these issues were immediate and real.

After I calmed down, I was happy... and dying to tell someone. I couldn’t wait for Jamey to get home from work. After all, he should be the first to know. Right?

I emailed him to ask him what time he would be home. I planned to make a nice dinner and give him the news. He replied, “Sorry. Have a meeting directly after work. Won’t be home ‘til late.”

Arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! I needed to tell someone! I was bursting!

As it turned out, he did get home at a reasonable hour and I was able to share the news. I wrapped up the positive pregnancy test in a small, narrow box with silver paper and a red ribbon. Spying the gift on the kitchen table, two-year-old Karmen grabbed it and tried to unwrap it, assuming it was meant for her. I explained that it was a present for Daddy; a gift that only Mommies could give to Daddies but we could say it’s from both of us. I’d let her give it to him when he got home.

The sound of the garage door alerted Karmen of Jamey’s arrival. She grabbed the present, ran to the basement door and began a dance of excitement and anticipation as she listened to him climb the stairs.

The moment he walked in the door, Karmen thrust the gift at him and squealed, “Open, now! Open, now!” Jamey opened the gift with a quizzical look in his eye. Seeing the positive test, he was excited and delighted–a big change from his reaction to our first pregnancy, when he almost threw up.

You’d be surprised, but some men become quite queasy when contemplating the responsibilities of fatherhood. I guess that’s the closest they will ever come to morning sickness! I wish I could say the same for me and many of my friends.

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